Forgive Me!

Oh please please please please forgive me ;-; I have neglected this blog along with my other ones, I have neglected my Goodreads, I have neglected my groups, I have neglected my YouTube and my vlogs (though I've uploaded quite a few AMVs lately), I have neglected all my social media and for this I apologize. The past few years have been some pretty dark ones and even now I'm still not ok. I can say I have a twitter now though I'm slowly distancing myself from that as well. It may soon end up as dead as everything else I have. I have not written one of my books in the longest time. I neglected going to college and instead of graduating half a year earlier than everyone else in my class, I took an entire year off and now am paying for that by going to school again currently. Only two more semesters now yay. I have decided that I will try to get into a flow of things. Not only will I try and be a better citizen and not be a procrastinator or lazy anymore but I will juggle school, my failing relationship that I try so desperately to maintain because I love him so much, my social media (though that's part of the issue me and him are distancing), I will try to juggle my author life as well. I will have my own apartment with him soon though he has already told me he has no issue with kicking me out if something goes down. So hopefully as I complete my final steps to becoming an official adult I will get my life prioritized and put together. I may as well turn this blog into a type of diary though that's kind of what it resembles to begin with. Mainly a place for me to express myself and rant or cry to when needed. I don't know if anyone even still comes and looks at my blog, probably not, but I don't think I will asking people to come read it since from here on out it will be more personal to me and I have a lot more enemies trying to hurt me than friends....

So to those who may read this, I apologize. I apologize to myself....I am deeply sorry and if you and myself bare with me then I will try my hardest to make things better.

-Bella

Imma Derp-a-derp

So to be frank I forgot about my site hence why I haven't posted in forever nor have I made any vlogs or videos since I've been wrapped up in the chaos that is my life. I do have a facebook page now if anyone's interested in that

 and I'm going to try to be active again though I make no promises. Also, I have a lot of projects and homework from my college classes nowadays so videos probably won't be happening until winter break or so. Or at least until I find my cord that goes to my camera since that piece o shit is dead and I can't upload the videos from my camera to my computer without it soooooo yeahhhhh....

To conclude this post of mehness, stay lovely, stay safe, don't do things I wouldn't do and continue being awesome guys. Byyeeeeeee

oh, you guys don't care and forgot about me....? oh, ok ;-;

-TheVampireQueen18 (Bella)

Long Time No Post

ive realized that im....slacking w/ this blog of mine...but yet...i dont give a fuck. maybe thats cuz im fucking hella tired but idk *shrugs* i guess im sorry for neglecting this lol but no comes on here so i guess i have nothing to be sorry for sooooooooo uhhhhhhh idk.... 

INNER TURMOIL

ive been thinking about making a new music amv but also i havent made any new vlogs.... which would you guys rather have? a vlog or a music amv? leave a comment telling me what you think, k? k. well i guess this is it for now...sooo bye lol

I dont know...

i really dont know how i feel right now...its like floating in a void of nothingness, i dont know if im depressed, numb, or what... so i guess ill just spam with pictures *shrugs* enjoy

Fuck You

OH HAI! LOOK WHO KILLED MY FUCKING VIBE

*BEGINS MY FUCKING BITCHY RANT*

fucking excuse you?

PARDON ME

 if im curious as to whats going on in your fucking life b/c you know i fucking love you an you loved me too until you found this bitch upstate an tossed me aside like i was a toy

so EXCUSE ME for asking questions about this new girl trying to make sure she treats you right an whatnot since im not fucking there

..................................................................................................................

there is absolutely no fucking need for you to tell me "thats my reasons and not your business"

fucker

KINDA is my damn business cause i dont want you ending up broken hearted like how you left me -.-

so again, PARDON ME, if im trying to look out for you, PARDON ME, if im still fucking here after everything thats happened, PARDON FUCKING ME, if im still putting you right up at the top of my list in the top fucking five an taking time out of my life just to try to make you happy even if it costs me MY happiness, oh an lastly PARDON MY FUCKING ASS if im actually not being hostile about this girl an legit trying to get to know her an youre getting fucking pissed off at me b/c im asking you questions an shit

SO JUST PARDON ME, CLEARLY IM IN THE WRONG HERE AN I'LL JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW, NOT LIKE IM REALLY IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE OR ANYTHING SINCE, YOU KNOW, YOU KINDA FUCKING IGNORE ME AN DONT REALLY TALK TO ME ANYMORE

oh an P.S.

thanks for telling me youll fucking skype me but then blowing me off an ending the convo abruptly (yes i realize you may of had to go b/c of your dad but im pissed right now) an not skyping me at all even though i havent seen you in fucking forever, just so you can go off with this chick WHOSE SPENDING THE NIGHT AT YOUR HOUSE FOR THE NEXT 2 DAYS AN YOU FUCKING SEE HER BASICALLY EVERYDAY -.-

no really, its fine! im not pissed, what ever gave you that impression? oh no im totally calm, you know rainbows an shit -.-

 oh i need anger management classes? heres my response -.-

if you could be a dear an get me some of this spray though id be very appreciative...

Just a lil something from my night :P

so me an a friend are talking and this just transpired :P

Him: sigh... -sits in the corner feeling unloved-

Me: oh you are not unloved

Him: it feels that way

Me: why?

Him: because you wont send me a picture of you smiling because you wont turn a light on :P

Me: dude! my light is on! its still hella dark in here! theres a big storm going on outside along with the fact that the suns setting!

Me: i thought you understood that???

Him: jeez calm your tits woman o.o

Him: i was kidding ._.

Me: that was not yelling that was exasperation, you will KNOW when im yelling, so my tits are calm sir

Him: -plays with your boobs- ill calm them

Me: *facepalm* how does that...i dont even...fuck logic, thats why lol

Him: i love you too bella

Me: XD

rotfl, love you too corey XD

Later On In The Convo

Him: you can go ahead and sleep if you want lul

Me: im kinda dozing off but i dont wanna leave you either

 

Him: ill be fine. i might sleep as well

 

Me: you sure?

 

Him: yes

 

Him: go sleep

 

Him: now

 

Him: or else

 

Me: or else what lol

 

Him: ill have to rape you gently

 

Me: the heck? XD

 

*after a few minutes of silence have passed*

 

Him: with love...jeez

 

Me: this is why were friends XD

Last straw-Ive Had It With Men

im absolutely fucking done with men, the only good men out there it seems are brandon, jonathan, an a couple on goodreads, other than that i cant seem to find a single good one -.-

not only have i been harassed by a pervy 14 year old multiple times today, but have been bothered by my 20 yr old 'friend' who i dont even know who he is anymore, been ignored by my closest guy friend, an am not worth other guys time of day apparently who are also my 'friends'....NOT TO MENTION, had a little fucker on youtube whose been picking a fight with me for a while start it up again an call me a fucking boy. FUCK. THIS. SHIT. hate to break it to that dick but i have a V where he'd like to see a P -.-

i never thought that i could be depressed an then become even more depressed than per normal but here i am, w/ a dash of crying and a few gallons of pissed off bitch mixed in

also since im basically ranting to no one considering no one really comes an visits this site at all really unless i post a link an tell you to come here, heres some gifs of my feelings right now b/c i need to fucking rant

except for the girls an those few boys who are good